I work for a family that is very proud of the fact they practice the “Love and Logic” parenting method. I agree with aspects of that philosophy but I don’t believe they actually practice it. My charges never do anything they are told by them, because the parents give the choice to A) do what they’re told. or B) not do what they’re told.
Help! How do I address this with the parents?
Dear Love and Logic,
It is never a bad idea to re-familiarize yourself with the “practices you preach,” so to speak. There are ways to facilitate certain conversations without abruptly telling your family they are unsuccessfully, and possibly detrimentally, using the philosophy.
If you don’t have regular “sit-downs” with your family, or if you haven’t established a safe environment for bringing up issues – well, that is a bigger problem, which you need to address first. Assuming you have, indicate that you would like to make some time to talk about some things you have been seeing lately, and schedule some deserved time to have a discussion.
There are several approaches you could take:
- Solicit their help. “I would like to refresh on some strategy with you, because I am feeling like some of the tactics are ineffective on the kids right now.” This allows you to question the aspects of the philosophy you may not align with, or highlight instances when you have seen it fail.
- Confide. “I struggle when I see that the kids are not doing what they are told, and I want to take some time to discuss the impact I think it is having.”
- Go in for the kill. “I am not sure we are accomplishing what we think we are trying to accomplish. Can we re-group and pinpoint the parts of Love and Logic we want to uphold, and make sure we are all executing them correctly and consistently?”
If in doubt, address it. Spend your time getting thoughtful notes onto paper, and details clarified. Always leave room for future conversations in order to look back and evaluate whether or not you are still on track.
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Kay is a tried and true adventurer who has honed her communication skills through 3 languages, global travel, higher education, and a whole lot of work. She started off as a nanny abroad for a family of 5 that evolved into 9, and gradually strengthened those skills with a bachelor’s in Communication Studies and a master’s in Conflict Resolution.
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