No Cameras, No Script, No Excuse

Guest Blog - Josie Mae (She/Her)

I had my own Million Dollar Nanny moment once. I traveled internationally with a family, lived the villa life, the private chef life, the “is this really my job” life. The only difference between me and the cast of that show? Mine wasn't scripted. There was no producer yelling cut when things got messy. There was just me, the kids, and the reality that this is my actual career.

And, let me tell you, watching that show as a career nanny was a whole experience on its own, I don't even know where to start. We for sure can't start with Leah sleeping with her dad boss, because hunni, there's so much to unpack there it would need a blog of its own. Ultimate ick!

I know you guys were just as floored as I was. Had me clutching my invisible pearls. We’ll get into that later.

Let's instead talk about the smaller moments that stacked up into one big cringe.

Leah Barrs deciding she's ready to build her own agency while getting drunk the first night, showing the nannies under her leadership that she is, indeed, not in a mature enough mindset to run an elite agency, (any agency), that showcases nanny professionalism.

A nanny painting a child's nails before she'd even learned that child's middle name. Like, ma'am...you literally met her thirty minutes ago. Nannies leaving their assigned charges with other nannies like it's a group project. And then, of course, the retaliation of the agency owner, withholding jobs from the other nannies because they voted her out. I get it, your feelings were hurt, but isn't the point for the agency to succeed? Do agencies not have Founders and Owners, or Founders and Managers? Can they not be two separate people? I'm just saying.

Y'all that is not a great representation of our community. That was definitely #NannyTok chaos with a ring light.

However, we also need to talk about the parents for a second, because they were no better. I've nannied for millionaires and billionaires, plural, and I have seen some things. Not saying I've seen everything, but never in my career have I heard of a nanny needing to know designer strollers just to land a job. That was actually laughable to me. Some of those families were red flags wrapped in a bow, and I would have walked out of plenty of those interviews myself. Funny enough, once, my nail length and color was regulated. I was in nursing school. It's legit a rule but never in my place of employment. Plus, every professional nanny knows what length she can work with, and unless you're caring for a newborn, that is not a hill an employer needs to die on. If anything, that should be the nanny's decision to make. Anyway, we're getting off topic here. Let's try this again, because I told you, there is a lot to unpack.

So how does my real, high-profile experience stack up against a reality show? Let me tell you through my own story, because sometimes the best lesson comes from lived experience, not a highlight reel.

You Have To Really Want This Life

Not the version of this life you see edited into a thirty minute episode. The actual one.

Yes, the pay can be life changing. Yes, some days genuinely feel like a movie. But nobody put the real parts in the trailer. The part where you are the one actually helping to raise, protect, and manage the day to day life of these children. The part where “seamless” is not a compliment, it is the entire job description.

If you want this life, you need to know the cost of it too. Let's talk being on these gorgeous, magazine ready islands for work, not vacation.

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‍The Villa Was Beautiful. So Was My Descent Into Madness

Imagine, an all expenses paid trip to Cabo! Sounds like a dream doesn’t it? And it was…on paper. I was even promised my own villa…until two days later when that villa turned into the “Oh, you’re okay having the kids in there with you too, right? We upgraded it to a two bedroom, two bathroom villa” that I would share with three children, all under the age of four and the couples teenage niece. And, even though the villa went from solo to shared, I was still excited.

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At the time I was nannying for one of the most elite professional baseball couples in LA, and even though I nannied for tons of high-profile families before, this couple was kind of “baseball royalty”. But, once I saw the itinerary, that excitement quickly faded. I felt my chest tighten. Because reality set in and I knew this was about to be a long ten days.

And honestly? This is actually a scene that many nannies have gone through… the infamous “family vacation.” Oftentimes meaning… extended family was in the mix too. And remember, we're talking about a baseball family here. Haha. Ask anyone who has worked in the baseball nanny field and I bet we will all have the same response. It’s crazy!!

If overnight weekend stays felt like a marathon, this was the Olympics. I downloaded an app just to count down the hours until I was home. Two hundred and forty of them. I watched that number like it owed me money. I mean you guys, I tell you all the time how I personally feel about the Rota roles. It is not for me and I bow down to all the ROTA Nannies. I'm yawning just thinking about it.

I tried to stay optimistic. There were also two more cousins, ages six and seven, that were also on the trip, and they were sweet, genuinely some of the most helpful elementary school kids I had ever met. But I was twenty seven years old on a beach that looked like something off a travel brochure, and my optimism evaporated fast once I realized something important. Those cousins did not have a nanny. Which meant, once again, it was just me. All the kids. All alone. On soft white sand, while the parents attended their “engagements.”

Engagements meaning the swim up bar. (As they should, they were on vacay)

Also, knowing what I know now, the additional kiddos would not have been my responsibility but, we all start somewhere. Take note, do not watch additional children if you are not being compensated for it. Moving on...

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I won't lie, the chef prepared meals looked like they belonged on a travel food blog, and food will always lift my spirits a little, even mid meltdown. But food doesn't hold a toddler's hand at the pool while you're also keeping eyes on two more kids and trying to keep everyone from turning into a sunburned puddle of tears.

The Nineteen Year Old Was Not My Problem To Solve, And She Wasn't My Friend Either

The family's teenage niece, nineteen and thinking about becoming a nanny herself one day, was also staying in that villa with me. I took that seriously, because whether she realized it or not, she was watching how I carried myself the entire trip.

I did not stay up until 2am with her. I did not braid her hair and gossip like we were roommates at a sleepover. She was part of their family. She was the client's daughter. Leading by example means understanding the difference between being kind and being casual about your role.

This is where I have to bring the show back into it, because this is exactly where some of those nannies missed the mark. Leah, wanting to start her own agency for nannies, while on night one, being caught fully drunk and leaving anything resembling professionalism behind. You cannot build something meant to elevate an industry while modeling the exact behavior that industry is trying to move away from. Leadership starts before anyone claps for you. It starts in the moments nobody is filming.

And even though that nineteen year old was technically “of age,” leaving the children with her was never an option. Why? Because it is not her job. It's mine.

Another odd scene that happened in the show. I honestly didn't know people did that. Why? Because nannying comes with a level of maturity and I would think, common sense.

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A Nanny's Job Is Never Done, Especially Not On Vacation

Here is what people don't understand about this career unless they've lived it. Five to six days a week, ten to sixteen hour days, we are caring for tiny humans, whether they're healthy or sick, and assisting to keep the ship from sinking. We open packages. We assemble furniture. We grocery shop. We do laundry. We tidy the house when the housekeeper is away and we cook when the chef isn't there. We care for newborns while mom is on bed rest. We homeschool. All of it, in a day's work.

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We are the bonus moms and dads that quietly keep high-profile households, and plenty of everyday households too, functioning so parents can do what they need to do to provide for their families. And for us, they sign our checks so we too, can manage our own households.

So when a family goes on vacation, that job does not go on vacation with them. If anything, the job gets heavier, because routine and structure walk out the door the second a child is outside their normal environment. It becomes our job to rebuild that structure from scratch, in a villa, on a beach, in another country, with nothing familiar around.

This is exactly why watching Olivia, from that same show, fumble something as basic as painting the nails of a four year old she had just met, was so hard to sit through. That's not a small oversight. You do not know that child's allergies. You do not know her sensory sensitivities. You do not know what could go wrong the moment nail polish and a curious toddler mix. So many things could have gone sideways, and honestly, that mom let her off far too easy.

These are the rules we live by, and they are not complicated. We do not curse in front of children. We do not hand our assigned children off to someone else because we're distracted. Child safety is not a suggestion, it's the entire foundation of the job. And as a high-profile, UHNW Nanny, being discreet and not oversharing is literally part of the job description when you're a nanny, so by golly, who in the world goes to the boss and tells that much personal business?

The Real Million Dollar Nanny Story

That family and that trip to Cabo is the one that turned me from “a nanny” into a Career Nanny. Not the villa, not the chef, not even the paycheck. It was the ten days of holding structure together for three kids under four, on my own, in a place designed for relaxation, while still being fully present, fully professional, and fully aware that this was not a role I got to clock out of just because we were somewhere beautiful.

That's the difference between what gets filmed and what actually gets lived.

We are not a group of friends competing for a title on TV. We are career professionals who show up the same way whether the cameras are rolling or not, whether we're at home in the nursery or on a beach in another country. That consistency is the whole job. It's not glamorous every day, but it is real, and it is ours.

To every nanny reading this, know what you're signing up for. Know the beauty of this career and know the weight of it too. Represent this industry the way it deserves to be represented, not for likes, not for a storyline, not for the six-figures, but because somewhere, a family is trusting you with the most important thing they have.

That's not #NannyTok. That's the real one percent.

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