How to Use Songs for Emotional Regulation: Guest Blog - Jess Dickerson

Whether it’s a kid who is feeling unsure about a diaper change, an overtired baby who needs a nap ASAP or an infant learning about water for the first time, I have a song for that. 

Along with my work as a folk artist, I’ve had a long career as a nanny, educator and doula and I have found myself turning to song in order to help with some of the transitions in childcare that tend to be the most difficult. If you like to sing your way through your own life challenges, you might find this to be a helpful tool in guiding children to a more regulated state. Singing with your kids can also help develop social-emotional skills useful in their development and connect them with the community around them. 

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4 Tools for Improvising Songs For Emotional Regulation

There are many ways to improvise with song to help a little one regulate their mind, body or emotions. Let’s be honest, sometimes the adults need the regulation and the kiddos are just as happy to sing along. As you read through the following list of ideas, try to think of a time a song on the fly has worked for you.

1. Singsong in moments of joy and distress: 

Have you ever needed to communicate an idea and instead of saying it, it came out in singsong? Singsong is when your voice rises and falls rhythmically while speaking. It’s actually a great tool for calling in those listening ears. Sometimes the constant buzz of even the strongest routine can drown out our directives. In those cases, announcing in singsong “It’s time to put on our shoes and move out the door” can help those little ears hear their cue for transition. Add a little clap if it feels right. Other times, we can meet the emotion of the moment with a tune that aligns. Is your kiddo so excited about an upcoming event that they are having trouble finishing the task at hand? No need to squash the enthusiasm. With a little singsong say, ”I see you’re excited to go to the pool, let’s finish this homework and be done with school.” There’s no wrong note and making it rhyme is extra credit. It’s just about catching their attention in a non-threatening way.

2. Substituting words in common songs to fit them to your kid's life: 

While working a travel nanny gig, the kids were having a hard time adjusting to their home routine after such a fun trip to their grandmother’s house at the beach. Naps are lovely after an exhilarating day in the sun, but harder to settle into on any old day. After many rounds of Twinkle Twinkle, my kiddo was still WIDE awake and asking  for a song about their grandmother’s beach house. So in the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle we came up with:

Mimi’s beach house, we love you

We’ll come soon to swim in your pool

All throughout our memories

We love your sun and shining seas

Mimi’s beach house, we love you

We’ll come soon to swim in your pool

After the initial giggles from the charm of the song, the beach homesick kid was able to fall asleep to memories of their beautiful summer trip. If you need something to relate, just give an old tune your own words. 

3. Matching the sounds your kid is already making by using your voice in a similar or complementary way: 

This is great for times when kids might be testing out their own vocal skills. Try it with an infant learning to coo and watch the connection you’re able to build. You may see they indulge you in a little call and response. It’s also helpful if an older kid might be vocal stimming in a public place. Telling them to stop might cause them to feel shame for their stim, especially if there are onlookers. I have found that joining them for a few seconds helps them hear themselves and I’m not sure what the magic behind it is, but I’ve seen they find a satisfaction in the noise sooner and reach a state of regulation where we can carry on with our outing or move to a more regulating environment away from over stimulation. 

4. Putting words to beats in their toys: 

This is how I became the nanny to a 10-month-old DJ! On a travel assignment in an old, historic rental home, the unique layout required a baby-safe area in the kitchen so we packed the Skip + Hop. It became the only activity that would tide this kiddo over before their next bottle. While I was measuring and warming up refrigerated body milk, the kiddo would be in deep focus in the activity center. Among other fun things, it has a panel of 4 large light-up buttons that each play a tune. I recognized the nursery rhymes from all of them but one. The red button played a fun beat and sounded like it needed a rap with some of our own words. I worked on the lyrics for a few days and came up with a masterpiece that included the kid’s name and words that describe their favorite things and their pets. Baby E would play them all but learned I would sing their song if they pressed the RED button. So after a little practice they would play their favorite track on command, “Baby E, play that beat!” Their accuracy in hitting the button for our song was incredible for a 10-month-old, and vice versa, they could get me to stop what I’m doing and baby rap on command by hitting the red button. You can read more about this musical experience and how the parents react in my chapter of the book Adventure Nannies: Tales of Wonder, Wildness and Wisdom. So when the sounds of the toys are going round and round in the home, put yourself in the beat by making your own lyrics, the response may surprise you!

Using Song As A Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Tool  

The first time I realized how powerful a message put to song could be was during that window just before nap while I was working with twin toddlers. When one starts melting down the other joins in and it’s a symphony of wails. That’s when I started to sing a song I wrote called “It’s A Good Time To Nap”. I wrote it while rocking and patting an infant to sleep. The tune alone seems to do the trick. It was later that I found the lyrics could help with children who have enough language to understand the words, cuing that their frustration or their dysregulation was telling us it’s time to nap.  The ideal situation is to get to nap time without tears, and when that happens, the song helps them get snuggled in bed. However, even in a meltdown, the song supports the effort to put toys away and move towards their cozy room for some down-time. Other more popular songs I recommend for social-emotional regulation are:

• Daniel Tiger: “Grownups Come Back” - Comes in clutch when helping a toddler with heavy separation anxiety say goodbye to their parents or caregivers at each pick-up/drop-off.
• Heidi Rojas: “The Feelings Song” - Prepares kids to put words to their big emotions and explains why it’s good to talk about these feelings.
• Tawnee Kendall Kids: “Everybody Poops” - There are kids that LOVE to talk about poop and kids that are embarrassed by it. This song helps in both cases and is my go-to when there may be some resistance to diaper changes or time on the toilet. 
• Coax Marie: “I Am Enough” - When pre-teens and teens hijack the radio in the car, sometimes their song choices aren’t appropriate for the whole family. So when nurturing wholesome song choices for teens, this artist is always good in the mix. Affirmations go a long way for older kids and adults too!

Using Song To Build Community 

It’s well known that singing is good for mental and physical health. Singing reduces stress and it provides “happy” hormones that lift your mood. Singing together with others can boost a sense of community and the breath work in singing can provide further health benefits to the respiratory system. 

• Common nursery songs and folks songs that are sung across cultures can connect children with community as they become learning tools, often included in story time and shows like “The ABCs.”
• Song sharing - Song circles are ancient practices that span across cultures and time. Teaching song this way becomes an act of liberation. Practicing this way of learning other people’s songs preserves culture and history and connects us to the world around us.

So whether you are a classically trained vocalist or someone who sticks to shower operatics, there is a place for song in your work day and it just might be the thing that helps move you and the kids from a tough transition to a cool calm. If you’d like to hear recordings of some of the Jess D originals I mentioned in the blog, let us know. I’d love to share the songs that get me through the workday. 

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